Communication

She has been living in harmony for some time now. All for one, and one for all.

And then, the fall.


The Narrator says...

It's raining outside. She can hear the rain on the sliding door.  It always rains on the sad days, she thinks.  The sound of the raindrops on the glass door fill her ears, and for a second she thinks of running outside to soak herself in it, like she did when she was little. But she knows it's not that simple anymore.

She looks up, and around the room frantically, looking for anyone who knows what to do.

" Please! What do I do?" The tears well up in her eyes, and she knows the great collapse is inevitable. "I will do whatever you tell me, please!"

Sparky sits on the couch, flipping through channels at a rapid pace. Casually, their eyes meet, and a smirk crawls across Sparky's lips. Or is it a grimace? (It can be almost impossible to tell the difference sometimes.) With a look of practiced innocence, Sparky shrugs her shoulders, and pouts, damming herself.

The guilt overwhelms her, and she begins to cry out, " Nina, please help me! Make this pain stop, give me something to look forward to!' She begs Nina with her eyes, hoping her stare will burn through the music blaring in Nina's headphones as she is crouched in the corner by the sliding door. Nina only continues to nod her head rhythmically, softly humming something that sounds like a Ray Manzarek tune, and doesn't look up. She wants to be where Nina is. She feels so left behind.

In a moment of pure desperation, she looks to Susie standing by the hallway. " Just tell me what to do and I'll do it! How do I fix this? How do I make it okay? I didn't mean for it to happen this way. Please, tell me how I make this okay!" The tears are running down her cheeks now, and there is no going back.

 Susie only scoffs and looks away in pure disgust, turns away and walks down the dark hallway. Out of sight.

Her cry is deafening. Her sobs invade every cell in her body, overtaking her. She falls to her knees, hoping she'll shatter. Hoping she'll break apart, painfully, but unsalvageably.

Searching for the sound of the rain to drown her out, she tries to hush herself enough to listen for it, but to no avail. Louder and louder, her sobs grow. With each heave of her chest, she releases a  wail unlike any she has ever heard. And lying at the very bottom of the sound, lurking down by her diaphragm, fueling each wind, is Persy. She just knows it.

"You are alone and you are dammed. And you did this to yourself," Persy sings, lining each desperate cry with it.

She screams, "No!" It reverberates against every wall and comes  barreling right back at her, punching her in the gut. She buries her face in her hands and holds her breath, waiting. For death? For life? For mercy?

The sound of the rain returns, as it begins to pour outside. She exhales slowly, and is relieved when only tears accompany it. Her screaming has died, but she's still afraid to open her eyes. What if the real world is still there? She smashes her hands even harder into her cheeks, soaking them in tears.

Out of the darkness of her despair, she feels a hand begin to softly caress her hair, twirling it a bit in their fingers at the end.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word."

Lacey kneels down in front of her slowly, and the sound of her knees cracking echo in the room.

She doesn't take her hands away from her face, she doesn't want to look, and Lacey just places her hands over them. "Isn't it just like you to turn me away till tomorrow becomes today..."

"I'm sorry," she whispers. And she really is to hear Lacey's alliterations again. She is so sorry for all of it. She's the sorriest sight in the world tonight.

Lacey tightens her grip and pulls her hands violently away from her face. They stare at each other electrically; fear, desire, and bestial determination pass between their eyes.

"I said shut the fuck up, baby." Lacey grabs her, grasping the back of her hair tightly and kisses her passionately, like a lover who has been lost for far too long.

Lightning fills the sky with a fierce white. Nina feels it and looks up with a quick gasp. And she begins to sing, because what else is there to do?

"People are strange...

When you're a stranger

Faces look ugly

When you're alone

Women seem wicked

When you're unwanted

Streets are uneven

When you're down

When you're strange...

Faces come out of the rain

When you're strange

No one remembers your name

When you're strange

When you're strange

When you're strange..."

Purge

Amanda says...

I'm broke and depressed. Survival mode has kicked in, luckily. And either fate or coincidence (maybe both) has made the situation do-able.

I have a new roommate. I promised myself I was done with that. But sometimes shit happens.

Nina says...

Oh yes. It's become my new Lebowski. It makes my heart happy, especially before bed.

Susie says...

Alright, ladies. It's true, times have gotten a bit tough. But we all know I thrive under pressure. I will fix this. I realize and truly appreciate that you have made sacrifices. Incredibly uncomfortable sacrifices, yet, important sacrifices. Thank you for that.

Just stick with me--trust me--and things will start to feel normal again very soon. I give you my word, you will feel right at home in no time.

Sparky says...

Have I ever thanked you, Jesus? I don't think I ever have... Therfore, thank you soooo much for two of your greatest miracles. 1. Beer. (Seriously, you fuckin' rock for that one!) 2. Thank you for giving me a social niche and the conversational skills to work it. It makes it so much easier to attain and enjoy number 1.

Well now that we have gotten that out of the way.

I have made a decision. A subconscious one at first, it started mostly as a joke. It has now become a cemented rule: I will not fuck anyone new until I finish my book. Period. End of story. It will provide motivation to finish, if nothing else.

(Pray for me that I actually stick to it.)

Lacey says...

Oh my literary puzzle, you are starting to fit together so well.

Lacey ise loved.

Loved. Lovely. Longed for. And looking.

But Lacey is not lost.

She is found. Straight. Forward.

She knows where she is going.

And Lacey is not left.

She is right. Correct. True.

Lacey is not a lie.

Because Lacey is lucky.

Like the color lime green.

Not black. Or blue. Or brown.

Because Lacey is alive!

Striving. Thriving. Hypnotizing.

Tick-tocking your time away.

Till tomorrow becomes today.

Sway with her.

As she slithers up her spine.

She's slippery.

And like trickery...

She'll seduce you.

And sweep you away.

She'll sing to you. Soothe you.

And swear to you she'll stay.

She'll satiate your unsatisfiable starvation.

She'll save your soul one second!

Just to slice it up.

Swallow it down...

And savor it in the next.

But before you're aware.

You're addicted.

Inflicted!

Conflicted...

Craving her carnage.

And cursing your own curiosity.

You'll call for her.

Cling to her.

Cry. Cringe. And collapse.

Then you will crawl to her.

And she'll caress you.

Comfort and console you.

You will quiver with each calculated kiss.

As she consumes you.

Confuses you. Complicates you.

Creating something chaotic.

Where quiet composition once was.

She'll cut you down.

Contorting your character.

Till you will kill for her.

Becoming her criminal.

Committing crimes of a cataclysmic caliber.

She creeps... She creeks...

You can hear her coming.

Like the cock of a 12 gauge shotgun.

Locked. Loaded.

And longing to level you.

Aaaaaahhh!!!!!

"He who laughs last, usually laughs alone."

- The Penguin, Joker's Asylum

Nina says...

It's officical. I have become a comic book geek.

Sparky says...

The blue is showing in the sky. The hint that the relentless dawn is fast on its way.

I've decided this is the loneliness time of day. Even with a pint of whiskey in me at the break of dawn, I am stil awake and ever alert. I am the only one awake.

Sometimes, this time of day makes me long for a companion. Someone to watch the sun rise with. Some miserable clown, like me, who drags on the night hours. Because it is the only time that seems to belong to us. Quiet hours, when no one really wants anything but easy conversation. The good stuff, about the meaning of our lives and what not. It is the bonding hour, where we freaks can really connect.

My heart aches lately. I don't know what for yet.

Exquisite Corpse

Nina says...

Oh Hedwig, my dear. You've taught me the art of imperfection.

"Some girls they got natural ease

They wear it any way they please

With their French flipped curls

And perfumed magazines

Wear it up

Let it down!

This is the best way that I've found

To be the best you've ever seen."

Sparky says...

I've always wanted a chance to be brilliant. A chance to do something I'm good at. A chance to make people understand. A chance to display my so-called imperfections to the world and not only be proud of them, but make the world love them.

Well, maybe not love them. But see them. Really see them.

I have no idea what to do with a dream come true. So I am not calling it that yet. I'm just going to call it getting busy.

But I would be lying if I didn't say I'm holding my breath.

Susie says...

Now now, Sparky. Let's not get carried away.

You can daydream later. For now, please go to bed. Some of us actually work in a few hours.

Corner-Baggy Blues

Nina says...

I love spending nights alone with Freddy. He just gets me, ya know?

"I work hard every day of my life

I work till I ache my bones

At the end of the day I take home my hard-earned pay

All on my own

I get down on knees

And I start to pray

Till the tears run down from my eyes

Lord! Somebody? Somebody!

Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

Sparky says...

Sometimes, when it's quiet like this in the apartment, I wonder what it would be like to be in love. I've realized it really wouldn't take much to make me a happy woman.

He wouldn't give me much attention, because he would know I don't like it. But we would still hang out a lot. I imagine us sitting side by side for hours, not speaking, just doing our own thing. Together. Occasionally nudging one another, thanking the other for taking up space so well.

We would talk about music a lot. We would dedicate each night of the week to a different artist, teaching each other our favorites. Critiquing. Debating. Listening.

Our arguments would be wonderful. Never about anything important, but passionate nonetheless. Because we would both be stubborn. We would bicker constantly, always pushing the other's buttons.

Most importantly, we would go. Whenever and wherever we felt like. We wouldn't make plans.

I like this man, whoever he is. I hope I meet him someday.

Restless

Nina says...

I'm so bored with this world and everyone in it. Everything is the same lately. Predictable and so unworthy of my time.

I'm going to drastically change things soon. Again.

I can't stand being on THIS planet alone anymore. Time to find another.

Social Experimenting

"Boy, you think you're clever, don't ya

Girl, you think you're so smart

Come with me to another side

In a world so cold and so dark

Stay wide awake

A world so dark, a world so cold

A world where only some will go

But none return

When will they learn

Where do they go

God only knows

Stay wide awake

So dark and so cold

My friends don't know this other side of me

There's a monster inside of me

It's quite ugly and it frightens me

But they can't see what I can see

There's a vacancy in my tummy

It's makin' me play hide'n seek like Jason

I'm so hungry"

-Eminem

Nina says...

Okay, no more smoking weed before we go out. Things just get too weird.

Sparky says...

I went to a nearby coffee shop tonight. I never go on Sunday evenings, but I found myself not wanting to be home and I was in the mood to write. So off I went.

I arrived only to find my comfortable, hang out swarming with teenagers. I had unintentionally wandered into an Open Mic Night.

And then it started to rain. Literally, within the minute I entered the shop... downpour!

I was trapped for a little while.

My thoughts started to race a bit. I don't think I can properly explain the dread. It was comparable to what I'm sure a cornered animal feels. A mixture of fear and fury.

I tried not to panic. I realized I could either let this happen, or I could get cold and wet. Neither sounded appealing, so I said "fuck it" and decided to order some coffee.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was spotted! In my state of quiet frenzy I had overlooked the fact that the kid standing next to me in line was an old acquaintance. I had worked with his older brother at the haunted house. I distinctly remember him unsuccessfully propositioning me to have sex in one of the coffins almost every night one season, till I had one of my Boys talk to him. He is currently in prison for the rape and attempted murder of his girlfriend. The brothers could have been twins, they looked so much alike. Needless to say, I was not expecting to see this kid tonight. By the time I realized who he was I was too far into small talk to get out, with a big, polite, shit-eating grin on my face.

The kid offered to buy my coffee. I pretended not to hear him over the roar of angsty teen poets, staring off into the crowd. But then he asked me a second time, already with the money in his hand. "You sure you don't want anything?" he said. Before I could answer, or not answer, the barista, who of course recognized me, said "Oh yeah, she's a White Mocha girl." Now I was fucking committed. Shit.

I decided it would be best to sit outside, despite the cold. Most of the young people were inside, plus my new friend wasn't too keen on it. I figured as long I stayed under the metal canopy, out of the rain, it wouldn't be that bad.

The kid sat with me for a bit, we made more small talk. I got worse and worse at it as it went on; I don't have much patience for that type of conversation. I intentionally let things get boring, especially after he mentioned me coming to hang out with him at his new place. He finished up a cigarette and informed me he was going inside to listen. I didn't object.

Immediately after he was gone, I quickly got my iPod and notebook out. I was going to make the place habitable till the rain stopped, goddamit!

Sunddenly! ...(I promise you, the events of this evening really did happen quite quickly and unexpectedly.)... but yes, SUDDENLY! A herd of minors started piling out of the shop. Apparently, the first Round was over. I instantly regretted sitting with my back to the door, because I heard them before I saw them. It was terrifying.

I was surrounded within seconds. They overtook the table I was at without saying a word. They completely ignored me. I sat right in the middle of them, and they hardly looked at me. They knew I was there, it was obvious I made them nervous. I found it amusing for a little while. I just sat there, staring at them as they spoke, waiting to see if any of them would ask me what the hell my problem was. They did nothing.

Isn't it interesting how the teenager acts? They literally choose not to acknowledge the strange and unusual because it makes them so nervous. Because it scares them. Yet, they also have no problem moving in on it, trying to outcast it. So comfortable in a crowd of their peers.

Well, I could only handle so much of that before I'd had enough. Soon the headphones went in and the black hood went up. The Eminem started blasting and I started writing, in that wonderful serial-killer way. And soon I started bouncing to the music, obviously doing my own thing. I closed my eyes.

When I opened them again most of the kids who had been sitting with me were standing, some of them in the rain. Eventually they all went back inside for Round Two.

I sat there writing. And waited for the rain to stop.

...honestly, I feel like it was a successful experiment, really. A bit uncomfortable, but I think I came out victorious in the end.

Lacey says...

It really is starting to come together. It won't be long till it's finished.

Lacey is loved.

Loved. Lovely. Longed for. And looking.

Lacey is not lost.

Lacey is found. Straight. Forward.

Lacey is not left.

Lacey is right. Correct. True.

Lacey is not a lie.

Lacey is lucky like the color lime green.

Not black. Or blue. Or brown.

Lacey is alive.

Thriving. Striving. Hypnotizing.

Tick-tocking your time away.

Till tomorrow becomes today.

Sway with her.

As she slithers up your spine.

She's slippery.

Like trickery.

She'll seduce you.

And sweep you away.

She'll sing to you.

Soothe you.

And swear to you she'll stay.

She'll satiate your unsatisfiable starvation.

She'll save your soul one second.

Just to slice it up,

Swallow it down,

And savor it in the next.

Before you're aware

You're addicted.

Inflicted.

Conflicted.

Psycho!

Nina says...

There are no words. Only heavy beats.

Sparky says...

Party mode: engaged!

Of course, I have been painfully reminded of the greatest annoyance of playing the social butterfly. I also happen to be a creep magnet. How the hell did I forget that?

I wish I could have a talk with these boys before they decide I'm their game for the night. At least give them a heads up. Let them know it doesn't matter how many compliments they pay me, or how sincere their "little trooper" admiration speech is. I still know what they are doing. And I know why they're doing it. I wanna tell them they got gypped on their fleece coat, because they still look like a wolf to me.

Lacey says...

The first thing he did when I entered the door was smell me. He put his nose right above my head, almost nestled in my hair, and said, "Oh my God, you smell amazing." It wasn't the fact that he did it, it was the way he did it. He hovered, I could almost feel his deep breathing not even inches away from me. I immediately thought of Jack the Ripper. And suddenly this man, who had always seemed off to me, was my predator.

The night raged on, and he hunted. He followed me like my biggest fan. He sat next to me, he stood by my side. He drank what was left of my shots when I was too drunk to get all the booze down, sometimes plucking the glass from my hand. He laughed at my jokes. He complimented me. He told me I was amazing.

By the end of the night he was caressing my back and giving me too many hugs. He lingered... all night he lingered, like he was waiting for more.

I didn't say much to him. Quite honestly I was waiting for the alcohol to make him go away. And yet, he stayed.

And at one very drunken point in the night. He put his hand on my back and said, "I feel like I'm paying you a lot of attention," he stared down at me, "I feel like I am paying you too much attention." And there he waited!

...and did I mention his girlfriend was passed out not ten feet away from this entire shit show?

All I could do was laugh and walk away.

Keep it up, fucker. Keep it up.

I Want Your Horror

Nina says...

Despite quite desperate attempts to detest her... I seem to have caught a bit of Ga Ga fever. How disgusting.

Sparky says...

Oh what a lovely Saturday night it was.

I took shots of Jameson with one of my boys over facebook. ...over... FACEBOOK!

Parts of the night are missing.

I feel a wave of partying coming on. And I intend to ride it.

It's No Serenade

Amanda says...

So I'm on Day 5 of my detoxification from Baclofen. In total it will take three weeks if everything goes according to plan. Today was the first morning I didn't wake up with a headache in a cold sweat, which was nice. But I am definitely feeling antsy. I have been cleaning everything!!! And thinking way too much.

My doctor was full of shit. She said it would be easy to come off this drug. I have only dropped one of three pills a day and I have felt like shit. I can't even imagine what I would be feeling if I had decided to quit cold turkey.

Nina says...

You know what, Sir Elton John, I'm so glad you are gay and therefore would most likely never write a song for me. Because I would be bitterly disappointed in you. This is by far one of the worst written songs ever. Why do people think it's so romantic?

Your Song

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide

(No shit, considering you sound like Captain Obvious.)
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

(Shut the fuck up, I know your loaded.)

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

(You're just a shitty artist. Period.)
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

(All I get is this shitty song? Seriously?)

And you can tell everybody this is your song

(Why the hell would I want to do that?)
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind

(I do mind, you narcissistic weirdo!)
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss

(And this concerns me how exactly...?)
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross

(Maybe it's because you are just no good at this.)
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song

(Again, why do I care?)
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

(Bitch, I always change the channel when this song comes on.)

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

(So you're actually admitting you forgot what color my eyes are? Moron!)
Anyway the thing is what I really mean

(And you don't even care!)
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

(Ha, nice try, but you didn't save yourself, man.)

A Quiet Meltdown

Nina says...

And now I shall quote Dennis Lehane from the book Shutter Island. The elusive Rachel Solando is the most useful character in the whole story.

"If you are deemed insane, then all actions that would otherwise prove you are not do, in actuality, fall into the framework of an insane person's actions. Your sound protests constitute denial. Your valid fears are labeled paranoia. Your survival instincts are labeled defense mechanisms. It's a no-win situation. It's a death penalty really. Once you're here, you're not getting out..."

Oh and...

"...Now ask yourself, how does pain enter the body?"

"It depends on where you're hurt."

"No." She shook her head emphatically. "It has nothing to do with the flesh. The brain sends neural transmitters down through the nervous system. The brain controls pain," she said. "It controls fear. Sleep. Empathy. Hunger. Everything we associate with the heart or the soul or the nervous system is actually controlled by the brain. Everything."

"Okay..."

Her eyes shone in the firelight. "What if you could control it?"

I like this book.

Lacey says...

Everything feels wrong today!

I've somehow skipped a beat. Lost a few minutes while I slept and I have arrived here too early. Nothing sounds right. Or tastes right. Nothing feels right.

I am a molecule with one too many electrons. I am unstable. Yes yes, I like how that word rolls off my tongue... uuunnnnsssstttaaabbbllleee... Mmmmm... at least that tasted right.

Perhaps I've been shoved in a corner for a bit too long and cabin fever is finally settling in. Or perhaps I've been alerted somehow by an outside force that a war is coming and it's high-time I put up my dukes! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! Or perhaps that one stubborn screw has finally come a bit too loose and the whole structure has begun to shake with the inevitability of a great collapse.

I need to fix this incongruency. I need synchronization!!! I need to find those minutes that got away from me and yank them back into place. I need to climb the missing seconds to get back on top of my game. I need to fit the square pegs into those tiny, round holes. I need to pound them into place until they are stuck stuck stuck!!!

I need to fit again.

Let's Compare Scars

Nina says...

There is this brief and delicate alternate universe wherein which I live happily ever after with my Housecat, this crazy man I happened to stumble upon. It's a strange universe that I really don't understand. But, as always, I will just hum along to the music till the image fades.

Swing Life Away by Rise Against

"Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?

Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?

Are we getting closer, are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long; think that its time to move

The winter's so cold summer's over too soon

so let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know

But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world

We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand, until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

swing life away

swing life away

swing life away

swing life away"

Breakthrough

Running With Scissors | Movie Trailers

Amanda says...

What is it called when you have a question that never ends? A question that loops... What came first the chicken or the egg? That kind of annoying shit that inspired the song that never ends...

(Nina whispers... A conundrum.)

A conundrum! Yes, a conundrum! I fuckin hate those. I hate it even worse when I find ones in my life. Conundrums belong in philosophy books. Not in my life. Not in my head. And vice versa.

I hate myself when I am high these days. I don't hate myself because I'm high, I really don't feel remorse or shame about it. I feel like I hate myself when I'm high.

I'm not sure if it's because I lie to myself when I'm high, or because I tell myself the bitter, honest truth. I seriously don't know.

And here is the kicker of the whole thing, the real joke Jesus is playing on me... while I feel miserable mentally, I feel phenomenal physically. My constant little aches and pains fall silent for an hour or so. The pain hasn't gone away, though. It's morphed. The physical pain becomes mental.

It's as if my pain is separate from myself, so I cannot control or destroy it, but it dwells within me. The pain always exists, in one way or another. Almost as if it must. It's eternal, like a demon.

Maybe that is why the thought of possession scares the hell out of me. Because I really am possessed. Only not by something supernatural. I am possessed by a very worldly pain.

Do you suppose you can exercise something worldly from your body? How do you think one would do that?

Something radical is about to happen in my life! Monumental! I can feel it. Like the Tower card in the Tarot!!! Reward from catastrophe. A baptism by fire. Rebirth.

Fidelity?

Nina says...

Why my dear friend, Regina, I had no idea how much I missed you. You say even the saddest things with a smile.

"I never loved nobody fully

Always one foot on the ground

And by protecting by heart truly

I got lost

In the sounds

I hear in my mind

All of these voices

I hear in my mind all of these words

I hear in my mind

All of this music

And it breaks my heart

It breaks my heart"

Just Breathe

Nina says...

Oh life's extremes... You can be free one moment, only to find yourself a slave the next.

But there is something masochistically healing in the sound of your shackles as you force yourself to go on. Survive the tough times, see what you're made of, kid.

But you have to make sure you have a steady war drum. Something you can march to, a rhythm you can sync your heart with.

... I always listen to what Johnny has to say. Why do I fear God? Because the man in black told me to.

Communication

The Narrator says...

To titillate the imagination, I present to you a dream...


Upon an empty stage Sparky sits in front of a microphone. She stares out at the empty seats on the prowl for a set of mysterious eyes she knows she won't find, but still fears are there. With the coast clear, she takes the microphone off its stand and sits very still. She puts her head down with a sigh and closes her eyes. She's waiting, patiently. She's not sure what for yet, but it will come to her.

Like a ninja Nina sneaks up behind her and whispers in her ear, "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

Sparky opens her eyes slowly but doesn't turn around, seemingly undisturbed by Nina's surprise presence. "I don't know. I just don't know."

Now whispering in the other ear she says. "Don't think then. Just go."

That was it! Sparky knew it. Just like that a beat started up. And Sparky began to sway with it, the breaks of her scooter squeaking back and forth quietly. Then she began to bump with it. And from her mouth sprouted something unexpected... but perfect. She always knew there was a reason she harbored a disgusting crush for Marshal Mathers.

"There's no escaping
There's no place to hide
You scream, "Someone save me!"
But they don't pay no mind
Goodbye

You're walkin' down a horror corridor
It's almost 4 in the mornin' and your in a...
Nightmare it's horrible
Right there's the coroner
Waitin' for you to turn the corner so he can corner ya'
You're a goner, he's on to ya'
Out the corner of his cornea, he just saw you run
All you want is to rest cause you can't run anymore, you're done
All he wants is to kill you in front of an audience
While everybody is watching in the party, applauding it
Here I sit while I'm caught up in deep thought again
Contemplating my next plot again
Swallowing the Calotapin
While I'm nodding in and out on the ottoman
At the Ramada Inn holding onto the pill bottle then
Lick my finger and swirl it round the bottom
And make sure I got all of it
Wake up naked at McDonald's with blood all over me
Dead bodies behind the counter, shit
Guess I must've just blacked out again
Not again

It's 3 A.M. in the morning
Put my key in the door and
Bodies laying all over the floor and...
I don't remember how they got there
But I guess I must've killed em' (Killed em')

Sitting nude in my living room
It's almost noon
I wonder what's on the tube
Maybe they'll show some boobs
Surfing every channel until I find Hannah Montana
Then I reach for the aloe and lanolin
Bust all over the wall paneling
Dismantling every candle on top of the fire place mantle and...
Grab my flannel and my bandanna then...
Kiss the naked mannequin man again
You can see him standing in my front window, if you look in
I'm just a hooligan who's used to using hallucinogens
Causing illusions again
Brain contusions again
Cutting and bruising the skin
Razors, scissors, and pins
Jesus, When does it end?
Phases that I go through
Dazed and I'm so confused
Days that I don't know who
Gave these molecules to
Me, what am I gonna do
Hey, the prodigal son
The godfather for one
Very methodical when I slaughter them

It's 3 A.M. in the morning
Put my key in the door and
Bodies laying all over the floor and...
I don't remember how they got there
But I guess I must've killed em' (Killed em')

She puts the lotion in the bucket
It puts the lotion on the skin
Or else it gets the hose again

I cut and I slash slice and gash
Last night was a blast
I can't quite remember when I had that
Much fun off a half-pint of a Jack
My last vic and a half
A flashlight up Kim Kardashian's ass
I remember the first time I dismembered a family member
December, I think it was
I was having drinks with my cousin
I wrapped him in Christmas lights
Pushed him into the stinking tub
Cut him up into pieces and just when I went to drink his blood
I thought I oughta' drink his bathwater that oughta' be fun
That's when my days of serial murder manslaughter begun
The sight of blood excites me, that might be an artery son
Your blood curdling screams just don't seem to bother me none
It's 3 A.M. and here I come so you should probably run
A secret passageway around here, man, There's got to be one
Oh no there's probably none
He can scream all that he wants
Top of his lungs
But ain't no stopping me from chopping him up (up)

It's 3 A.M. in the morning
Put my key in the door and
Bodies laying all over the floor and...
I don't remember how they got there
But I guess I must've killed em' (Killed em')"

As the music begins to fade, Sparky smiles. She feels absolutely ridiculous. When the silence sets in, a solitary applause arises from the back row. She laughs without looking. She knows. A few moments later she raises her eyes to Persy's, staring her down. The clapping stops.

Sparky slowly stands up and puts the microphone back on its stand. She carefully leans forward on her scooter and takes her bow. As she turns to head off stage, she hears whispering again in her ear. It shocks her.

"You make the perfect little play thing, princess. A jubilant jester, indeed. My merry monkey. Dance, darling. DANCE!"

...The scene fades to black in a dramatic fashion! The end.

No Need For Xmas

Nina says...

Oh Christmas time. ... I'm trying to feel the joy of the holiday, because I know I should. But I don't. The truth is it's an overrated holiday that gives people an excuse to be nice to others when they really should just be doing that anyways. Not to mention, the whole thing is suppose to celebrate Jesus and I get the feeling he is laughing at most of us around this time of year. Sometimes I imagine He would prefer people say "X-mas" rather than "Christmas." I imagine He doesn't want much to do with what his birthday has become. Huh! Oh well.

Now New Years... that's my bag, baby. I love new beginnings. And a new beginning it shall be. Filled with things I enjoy. Like...

Breakfast burritos. Truly, they just send me over the edge! So delicious and fattening. Yum! They are worth gaining weight. Absolutely.

(I'm enjoying one at this very moment. Walking over to my laptop I accidentally dropped it on the floor. Because I'm clumsy and it happens. And I decided fuck it! I'm gonna eat it anyways. It's not like I will catch some random disease off the floor that didn't already belong to me in the first place. I'm really the only one in my apartment these days. Except for my housecat. But I'm pretty sure he and I share the same disease anyways. So no biggie.)

Art. Lots and lots of art! Movies I love. Projects I want to get done. Music I crave!!! All the creations that make my heart go pitter-patter. And writing. Good writing. The writing I have been hiding. I'm going to be the artist I always have been. No matter how weird it makes me.

Travel. My urge to see the world is still pounding through my chest. I think I will see New Orleans this next year. The blues bars and the graveyards. A "Nina Simone good" moment awaits me there. I just know it.

Love. There shall be love. With who or what, I don't know. Honestly, I kinda hope I fall in love with myself. Meh, I don't think the subject matters. All that matters is that I will love something. Intensely, completely, and unconditionally. Something that won't disappoint or turn on me. ...oh I'm excited about that!

...and I think I will sing a lot more.

"Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire..."

Vacation?

Nina says...

A clever centipede once said...

"Bright lights, big city

That's where we gotta go

Where the food is great and the bugs are so pretty

I'd like to get my arms around a hundred or so!

I'd hug 'em, squeeze 'em, hold 'em tight

Sleep all day, dance all night

I want the bright lights and the big city

That's the life for me, yeah"

Susie says...

The time has come yet again to band together... unfortunately. Now throughout this whole ordeal I want you to remember that we are ALL miserable, therefore we are ALL in it together.

I know how excruciating it is to surrender control to be me. But let's be honest, I am the only one capable of steering us through this. This is a situation that calls for stability, humility, and grace. Composure if of the utmost importance. With a little bit of luck, we will fade into the background while the drama unfolds before us...

I'm talking about the annual family trip to Mexico. One full week with the whole family. Thousands of miles from home, with nowhere else to go. ... I hope the ocean is devastatingly beautiful.

I won't kid you, it most likely won't be easy. In fact, at times, it may be downright unbearable. But we can do it. We must, we must, we must!

And as a reward for good behavior, I have one hell of treat for you. Two weeks after we get home, we are going to Vegas. For New Years. Bring in the new year with a bang!

Survive in Mexico, celebrate in Vegas. It will be worth it. I promise.

Francis Watch

Amanda says...

I have felt the twinge of a headache all day. Honestly, it's been brewing off and on for a couple days. It's just a matter of time now. I give it a day, at the most.

Headache got bad about an hour ago. I've been drinking too (1 1/2 beers, about 10% alcohol content). Probably didn't help. Fuck, I miss how free I use to be.

Thus far...

Lower back aches.

Almost the entire right side of my body hurts, particularly my lower back, neck, and temple area.

A very noticeable lumpiness on the right side of my head. Knots in my muscles, I'm assuming.

Taken...

1 muscle relaxer, 2 ish hours ago?

800 mg Ibuprofen

2 drags of marijuana

The pain is do-able, but definitely undeniable.

Lacey says...

It snowed today. Figures.

Sometimes, when it's cold like this, I wonder what it would be like to enjoy human touch. What would it be like to be comfortable in the arms of someone? What would it be like to actually cuddle with someone like it was no big deal?

And then I remember I hate that shit.

...sometimes I wonder, what have I done to myself?

Nina says...

Save me, Mr. Mercury. Only you can!

Sing With Lust

Nina says...

Wouldn't it be something if I actually had the guts to sing in front of an audience.

I imagine it would be in some dive, blues bar, somewhere in the heart of New Orleans. Some old, run down place off Bourbon Street with too many stories. I would go on around 1:00 a.m., just as the night was winding down. The patrons would be drunk and tired, but they would wait for me. They couldn't possibly go to sleep until they'd heard me sing.

The lights would dim and a blue spot light would hit the stage. It would have to be blue. A smoky, male voice would be heard over the quiet rumble of the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen... Miss Nina would like to bid you all good night."

I would walk onto the stage with me head down, dressed all in black. Calmly I would approach the microphone, still staring at the floor, waiting for my music to arrive. Out of the dark, the first piano notes would hit. And as I opened my mouth, I would look up, the electric blue of my eyes would overwhelm the moment.

My voice would be slow and steady, full of lost inhibitions and carnal desire. I would melt you.

"Love me love me love me

Say you do

Let me fly away

with you

For my love is like

the wind

And wild is the wind

Give me more

than one caress

Satisfy this

hungriness

Let the wind

blow through your heart

For wild is the wind

You...

touch me...

I hear the sound

of mandolins

You...

kiss me...

With your kiss

my life begins

You're spring to me

All things

to me

Don't you know you're

life itself

Like a leaf clings

to a tree

Oh my darling,

cling to me

For we're creatures

of the wind

And wild is the wind

So wild is the wind

Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind"

I would be wild and inconsolable. Something just beyond your reach. A creature not of this world. I would intoxicate you. Lead you on without you ever knowing it. I would take you to a different planet that felt like home.

I would be so beautiful.

"Do you get the gist of the song now?"

-Nina Simone