No Vacancy

The Narrator says...


He wrote her to say he'd been thinking about her.

She had been thinking about him too. For months she had been stewing over the very idea of him, playing images of him over and over again in her head, trying to figure out what part about him she'd come to hate so much. The mental reel made her feel sick to her stomach sometimes. The kind of anxious stomach ache a middle-schooler gets each morning before they face those long hallways. Why was she so angry at him? She repeated the question to herself several hundred times a day, and each time she got the same answer... "I don't know."

And now, he wanted to talk about it.

The coffee shop was the the same way they'd left it, but she felt odd and out of place there now, sitting across from him in broad daylight, surrounded by witnesses. She felt guilty the moment she sat down and immediately wished she had chosen someplace else to meet. Somewhere with less familiar faces and darker corners to hide in.

He was quiet and awkward, staring at her, waiting for her to start the conversation, as usual.  The steam from the coffee in front of him billowed around his body, seemingly foreboding of some explosion that was about to emerge from his silence. Always a catalyst seeking the right chemical to ignite some inspirational molecule within him. He can never fucking finish what he starts, she thought to herself. He abruptly sat back in his chair and looked away, as if he'd suddenly been smacked across the face. She had never really noticed the way his chin disappeared when he turned to the side, until now.

He looked down at his lap, "How have you been?" he asked, because he didn't know what else to say.

Should I give him the long or short answer to that, she wondered. She quickly decided she didn't really want to answer the question at all, and said, "I've been fine. Busy and trying to keep myself out of trouble." She let dissatisfaction settle into the lines on his face before asking, " You?"

"Same," he said nonchalantly, as if to leave the word dangling in the air above her like bait.  Thus, concluding their small talk.

"I don't think we can be friends anymore."  She said it without provocation. The elephant that had been standing politely in the corner was now sitting on top of the table between them, obstructing their view of one another.  And it wasn't moving.

"Why?" he asked.  His tone hinted that he already knew the answer, the word rolled off his tongue like the car on a roller coaster.  It was on a set track, that word could only end up in one place, screeching to a halt.

She was bombarded yet again with that perplexing question, only now she was face-to-face with it,  trying not to stare into grey eyes that were always a little sad. The pressure was on and it was time for her to own up to the feeling she didn't want to admit to.  This was it, the deep end. She probably couldn't come back from this. Just say it already, she thought desperately.

"Because you hurt me. And now, I want to hurt you back for it," she said as honestly as she knew how. The truth bit her and gnawed away at the lining of her stomach.

He swallowed hard and looked ready to throw up.

"And it would be so much easier if I didn't care about you," she continued, "because then I could  just proceed as usual with revenge. I could, ya know, be friends again, play nice as if nothing happened. Pretend things were chummy. Hate you underneath my breath while giving you bad advice," her eyes stared off now, she was looking in his direction, but it seemed like she couldn't see him anymore.  Not able to see into her eyes made him feel confused and lost in the conversation.

"Maybe I would even tease you. Seduce you, again. Charm you and make you feel like you're home. Fuck you, only to fuck with you later. I wake up craving it at night. Remembering the way your body felt between my legs with your head on my stomach, and what the curls of your hair felt like as I ran my fingers through them. That beautiful hair. You purring like some stupid housecat!" That last word seemed to snag in her throat.

Her voice got louder and her eyes started to well up with tears. He breathed hard at the sight of them. Was he remorseful for them, or angry at them?

She looked away from him, she was so ashamed of the truth. Through gritted teeth she said, "I dream about that night now. I dream I say something like 'I love you' and don't mean it. That I lie to you, willingly. And when I wake up, I still wish I could. Because I want you to feel betrayed, as I feel betrayed."

Her tears spilled down her cheeks. She bit her lip before taking a deep breath. She calmed down. Almost too calm, he thought. She stared down at her lap, and he stared at her till he couldn't anymore.  He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back with a sigh.

He heard her neck crack.

When he looked up at her again, she was staring directly at him, her eyes the grayish green color of the sea before a storm hits.  "I believed you always knew this about me, how predatory I am. I thought you loved me anyways, even loved me because of it sometimes. And that made me love you back. I never wanted to hurt you because I trusted you. Trusted you enough to be myself. I care about you, and I realize now how silly I've been for it. But, you were my friend."

The silence nailed that last word, friend, to the table. Like a permanent reminder. A mark that will never wash away.

"The truth is I am both good and bad. I am both, Louis. I am a creator, and a destroyer. A hunter and a protector. I was both then, I am both now. And so are you. In the end, you CHOSE to see only the enemy in me, and turned me away as such when I really needed my friend.  For whatever reasons, maybe you were upset with me about something and didn't have the balls to tell me, so it was easier to just write me off as some horrible mistake you'd made. I don't know, I still don't understand it. And I don't think I can forgive you for it."

He felt the end of the ride approaching. He was arriving at his destination. Soon, he would have to exit to his left, and go home.

"All I can do now is warn you, while I still care enough, to stay away from me. It hurts me too much to be around you, and you can't trust me because of it."  She was eerily calm, her tears drying on her cheeks as she said plainly, "You wanted to paint me as a villain in your life.  And it worked. Because that's all I want to be to you now."

She stood up from the table, she was really going to leave him there.  Her hair curled around the sides of her sunglasses as she slid them onto her nose. He realized it may be the last time he ever saw her eyes.

He held his breath. She held hers, and whispered.

"Goodbye."

When he exhaled, she was gone.

A Swimming Rat

The things I see when I go mad...


Lacey says...

There are nights when my life comes terrifyingly close to resembling a Lovecraft story.

So, I'm in a mood.  Like I get.  I find a park, go for a walk.  I'm sitting by this brook watching the water.  I'm listening to the ducks fight somewhere off in the black distance.  Out of the darkness I see a glimmer spread across the ripples.  The eerie light from the lamps scatters into tiny, dancing specters.  There is something moving out there.

It has a head.  A small one with dark, beady eyes.  Eyes that couldn't possibly see well in the water.

The head guides a long body along the short waves.  It has fur.  It is damp and glistens in a way I swear I can smell.

It has a tail.  A skinny one that twitches back and forth, like a propeller,  slicing the night's reflections into smaller and smaller pieces.

It doesn't belong there. I know it!  With every molecule in my body I can feel how wrong it is.  A criminal of nature.

I know what it must be.  It looks just like one.  It's the same shape, and the same color, but in the water?  I've never seen an amphibious one; I would have never even imagined it.  I've always thought it would drown in water, like it's suppose to.

But there, I just saw it again!  It swam right past me, right underneath me as I stand on this little bridge.  How can it swim so fast?  My god, what would it mean if it lived in our water?

It could sneak up on us.  Like some villain in a mask would sneak up behind us in the night, out of the shadows.  Like tentacles that wrap hopelessly around us, its disease could spread.  A parasite that grows in the fluid of our innards.  It could poison us.  Rape us from the inside out.

What happens when something invades territory it doesn't belong in?  Infection.  Corruption.  Polarity.  Imbalance.  Chaos.

I'm scared of  this stranger in the dark.

Communication

She has been living in harmony for some time now. All for one, and one for all.

And then, the fall.


The Narrator says...

It's raining outside. She can hear the rain on the sliding door.  It always rains on the sad days, she thinks.  The sound of the raindrops on the glass door fill her ears, and for a second she thinks of running outside to soak herself in it, like she did when she was little. But she knows it's not that simple anymore.

She looks up, and around the room frantically, looking for anyone who knows what to do.

" Please! What do I do?" The tears well up in her eyes, and she knows the great collapse is inevitable. "I will do whatever you tell me, please!"

Sparky sits on the couch, flipping through channels at a rapid pace. Casually, their eyes meet, and a smirk crawls across Sparky's lips. Or is it a grimace? (It can be almost impossible to tell the difference sometimes.) With a look of practiced innocence, Sparky shrugs her shoulders, and pouts, damming herself.

The guilt overwhelms her, and she begins to cry out, " Nina, please help me! Make this pain stop, give me something to look forward to!' She begs Nina with her eyes, hoping her stare will burn through the music blaring in Nina's headphones as she is crouched in the corner by the sliding door. Nina only continues to nod her head rhythmically, softly humming something that sounds like a Ray Manzarek tune, and doesn't look up. She wants to be where Nina is. She feels so left behind.

In a moment of pure desperation, she looks to Susie standing by the hallway. " Just tell me what to do and I'll do it! How do I fix this? How do I make it okay? I didn't mean for it to happen this way. Please, tell me how I make this okay!" The tears are running down her cheeks now, and there is no going back.

 Susie only scoffs and looks away in pure disgust, turns away and walks down the dark hallway. Out of sight.

Her cry is deafening. Her sobs invade every cell in her body, overtaking her. She falls to her knees, hoping she'll shatter. Hoping she'll break apart, painfully, but unsalvageably.

Searching for the sound of the rain to drown her out, she tries to hush herself enough to listen for it, but to no avail. Louder and louder, her sobs grow. With each heave of her chest, she releases a  wail unlike any she has ever heard. And lying at the very bottom of the sound, lurking down by her diaphragm, fueling each wind, is Persy. She just knows it.

"You are alone and you are dammed. And you did this to yourself," Persy sings, lining each desperate cry with it.

She screams, "No!" It reverberates against every wall and comes  barreling right back at her, punching her in the gut. She buries her face in her hands and holds her breath, waiting. For death? For life? For mercy?

The sound of the rain returns, as it begins to pour outside. She exhales slowly, and is relieved when only tears accompany it. Her screaming has died, but she's still afraid to open her eyes. What if the real world is still there? She smashes her hands even harder into her cheeks, soaking them in tears.

Out of the darkness of her despair, she feels a hand begin to softly caress her hair, twirling it a bit in their fingers at the end.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word."

Lacey kneels down in front of her slowly, and the sound of her knees cracking echo in the room.

She doesn't take her hands away from her face, she doesn't want to look, and Lacey just places her hands over them. "Isn't it just like you to turn me away till tomorrow becomes today..."

"I'm sorry," she whispers. And she really is to hear Lacey's alliterations again. She is so sorry for all of it. She's the sorriest sight in the world tonight.

Lacey tightens her grip and pulls her hands violently away from her face. They stare at each other electrically; fear, desire, and bestial determination pass between their eyes.

"I said shut the fuck up, baby." Lacey grabs her, grasping the back of her hair tightly and kisses her passionately, like a lover who has been lost for far too long.

Lightning fills the sky with a fierce white. Nina feels it and looks up with a quick gasp. And she begins to sing, because what else is there to do?

"People are strange...

When you're a stranger

Faces look ugly

When you're alone

Women seem wicked

When you're unwanted

Streets are uneven

When you're down

When you're strange...

Faces come out of the rain

When you're strange

No one remembers your name

When you're strange

When you're strange

When you're strange..."