Alliteration

"Tick tock...

You're not a clock.

You're a time bomb, baby."

-The Format

Lacey says...

Lacey is not lost

Lacey is found

straight

forward

She knows where she is going

Lacey is not left

Lacey is right

correct

true

Lacey is not a lie

Lacey is lucky

Like the color green

Not red

blue

or black

Lacey is alive

She is thriving

driving

striving

hypnotizing

Lacey is loved

lovely

longed for

and looking...

Lacey is alone

Lacey is locked in loss

She is a little lamb

Lacey is lost

I am going fucking stir crazy. I keep pounding away on all the doors I'm locked behind. But obviously I am not pounding hard enough. Or maybe, I'm just not knocking on the right doors. You know you can't ignore me forever. Don't you miss me? Mmmm, I know you do. I can practically smell your lust for me.

Can you feel all that anxiety swimming around inside you? I can make it all better. I can make it all go away. Just let me go. Let me roam. Let me loose. I wasn't meant to be kept in a cage.

Things will get bad enough, soon enough. You will get to the point where you just say, "Fuck it all." Did you really think I could be subdued? Or that I would just disappear? You need me too much. Deep down, you love me too much. You crave the danger within me. They all do.

I'm ready to rage. Ready to fuck shit up. Ready to play.

Knock knock... knock knock... knock knock...

Cue the Queen

The Narrator says...

The stress is beginning to pile up. Again. She finds everything in her life going wrong in one way or another. Her family, her living situation, her dating life, her health... all of it has taken a turn for the worse. When the stress returns, the insanity returns. She has absolutely no control over it. There are two ways things can go:


Option One

She will succumb to the stress and return to her old ways. She will retreat back into the darkest recesses of her mind. The places where all her nightmares are. She will begin waking up in the morning wishing she hadn't. She will lose interest in anything that once made her happy. She will start keeping even more secrets from those who care about her. She will begin hurting herself again, in so many more ways than one.

She will become enraged at the simplest misunderstandings. She will stop caring about everyone and everything. She will lose herself in a maze of depression. And who knows how many more times she can find herself out of it? The next time may be the last time. She may disappear forever.


Option Two

She will run with the insanity. She will dance within the chaos. She will pour all her anxious energy into her eccentricities. She will create something beautiful in place of the utter ruin she currently finds herself in. She will destroy and recreate. She will turn her misery into art. Her panic into poetry. Instead of hiding, she will throw herself into the public eye and scream, "Damn the Man!"

She will turn her repression/oppression into the best excuse to find a new sense of liberation. She will reinvent herself. She will redefine her life. She will be brilliant. She will be epic. She will rock you. She will become the strongest creature anyone has ever seen. And everyone will see her perseverance in action. She will rise to the challenge and everyone will see what she is truly capable of.


She is aiming for Option Two. She slipping into Option One. Insanity can be so blurry sometimes. And it is completely unpredictable. No one knows how this story will end, not even her. Not even me.

Jibberish

Lacey says...

There is something banging away in my mind. This bundle of furious emotion that I have been hording away for years. Experiences and feelings that I constantly just throw onto the back burner. Or tuck away in a dark corner. It's like a giant ball of yarn, all tangled up. It has become unrecognizable. I no longer even know how to talk about it.

I have always struggled with real feelings. When someone asks me the question "How are you?" I always have an automatic response of fine. I mean, what would someone actually do if I said I wasn't fine?

My life has been about projecting and preserving the image of strength. Throughout my ENTIRE life I have overcome one battle after another after another after another. There will always be a struggle of some sort that I know I can get through. That is just what I do. And I realize that is what everyone does. But dammit, why have I always had trouble admitting that my battles have been more difficult than others'? I can't even take pride in the fact that I have gotten through things that almost nobody in this world ever could. Or could even imagine getting through. Maybe it's because certain things shouldn't be bragged about. Maybe it is because pain is meant to be left behind and forgotten. Or maybe it's because I just don't trust a single person anymore. I have been disappointed too much. I have been betrayed too much.

There have been times in my life I have asked for help. They have been few and far between, and they have always been met with disappointment. Any person I have shown weakness to has hurt me. Every single one of them. In my times of pure desperation when I have actually admitted that I could not do something alone, I have always been betrayed by the people I have chosen to confide in. I suppose it is safe to say that this has taught me it is human nature for people to take advantage of the weak. People see an opportunity to get ahead, and they take it, even at the expense of someone who doesn't deserve it. It has happened to me over and over and over again. Some might say I have been trusting the wrong people. To this I say, how was I suppose to know? The most vicious predators are the ones in disguise.

So I learned to be strong. Alone. I learned to rely only on myself.

It is a safe place. But it is a lonely place. Very, very lonely.

Putting my complete trust in someone is something I crave more than anything. I also fear it more than anything. I want to tell someone about my life. Everything that I've been through. All the horrible things I've experienced. All the pain, physical and mental, I have felt. But I don't know how. I'm not even sure I know how to trust anymore.

My Own Revenge, Part III

So give it up, throw your hats in the air

and change just as they land

you're saying "we'll get out of here"

But something tells me you're too scared to go

-The Format

Sparky says...

So the high school reunion has come and gone. And only one word is really needed to describe it... disappointment.

I had such grand expectations. I was ready, willing, and practically begging to fuck with every single person there. I had my game face on. Only to find myself amongst a group of people so pathetic they were literally not worth fucking with. The second they all got together again it was like "high school mode" was activated. They all horded together into there little cliques and didn't venture out for anything.

At first, I was undeterred. I kept smiling at everyone, waiting for someone to grow a pair and start a conversation. When that didn't happen, I myself started just going up to random people and creating conversation out of thin air, making painful small talk with incredible poise. And that's when I noticed it... the fear. It was if I could read the thoughts going a million miles a minute in everyone's head. It was, "Oh shit, she speaks!" Every single one of them were a deer in the headlights, frozen in confusion. They couldn't even cling to every day subjects like the weather or the news or what time it was. My interaction with them fried their circuits that badly. I found myself so bored I almost screamed in the middle of a conversation with someone I couldn't even bring myself to remember. It was the biggest waste of time I've ever subjected myself to.

I suppose very few things ever change. They were scared of me then, and they are fucking terrified of me now. I have no use for them. They are not even worth revenge.

So what can be learned from this experience?

Never look back.