Go Back To Sleep II

"...you were never really real to begin with.

I just made you up to hurt myself."

-Nine Inch Nails

Amanda says...

Perhaps my broken brain is the adventure I have been waiting for. I think that is the better way to look at it.

So there I was, watching tv and eating Pirate Booty. Oh how I love me some Pirate Booty. A crunchy little snack that melts in your mouth. I was chewing on a delicious piece, when suddenly out of nowhere, it didn't taste quite as delicious. Gradually the taste got worse and worse, to a point where I was unsure I could swallow it. When I finally did, it occurred to me what I was tasting... metal.

As soon as I thought of the word metal, everything went ZING! Zing is the best word I can think to describe it. The taste spread over my entire mouth and throat. And something shot through me... like zing! It wasn't painful, but it was sharp and very disorienting. I could hardly see and the zing rang in my ears. I felt like I was falling even though I was sitting down. I sat straight up and grabbed my head with both hands. I gasped loudly. The gasp is what scared me the most. I had never heard myself make a sound like that, ever. It was like I wanted to scream, but I started to choke on it. I suppose it is what I sound like when I am truly scared.

My "psychosis" returned immediately. As the zing lingered in my body I knew I was dying.

And just as quickly as it hit me, it left me. The episode lasted for one metallic breath. As soon as the breath had left my body, the world stopped spinning. I was alive and well. Once it was over, I sat there confused and terrified. What the fuck was that?!!! I looked around, as if Francis was peeking around the corner, laughing at the joke he had just played on me. I wanted to look him in the eye and cry. I wanted him to see it wasn't funny. I wanted to hold him responsible. But I was alone.

I waited there, determined to be prepared for the next attack. I was ready-- bring it on mother fucker! But it never came.

And I'm left wondering the hell it all means. I feel like I should do something about it. But then again, what is to be done? And to who? Or what?

Francis' greatest weapon is that he is not really real. Perhaps I just made him up to hurt myself.

Is there a way to take it back? I didn't really mean for it to be like this.

I'm not sure I will be able to eat Pirate Booty again.

...fuck! I really liked it too.