Cripple Queen

"Yeah it's holding me

Morphing me

And forcing me to strive."

-Muse

Sparky says...

I have tried writing this blog several times now. I keep getting stuck. My mind is too clogged up with bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT! The type of bullshit everyone has tried to force feed me for years. I've never been able to keep it down.

But this is what I have managed to pull through...

I am a lone reed. I am the last man standing at the end of a long, cold war. I am a renegade alien who crash-landed on Earth and I can no longer find my way home. So I am stuck here, forever trying to burrow myself into a world that never really wanted me in the first place.

I am not handicap. I am not disabled. I am not physically challenged. I am not a little trooper. I am not even a cripple. And I am most certainly not your sweetheart, you self-righteous pipsqueak of a man! I have a name... it's Sparky Spitfire, and I won't be content till you're screaming it in the midst of the most excruciating pain or the throws of undeniably perverse passion.

They don't have a name for my kind yet. I wonder if they ever will.

Excuse me for simply thinking that tragedy just happens. Excuse me for wanting to be amazing for who I am rather than for surviving the shitty hand life may have dealt me. Excuse me for not wanting to be your billboard. Excuse me for wanting to inspire bitter honesty instead of cheap, sold-out fairy tales. Excuse me for knowing that I am worth way more than my sob story.

Oh those poor, poor people who look upon me with those sad eyes and think to themselves, "I just couldn't imagine." They are so right, yet so wrong. I dare them to explore the darkest regions of their imaginations. I dare them to conjure up ANY idea of who and what I am. They don't process the depth for it, nor the courage. They could never possibly see me. And despite their polished, good intentions, they don't really want to.

Someday, I want someone too look in my eyes when I am truly on my game. When I am in my moment. Will they see the rage? Will they see the X factor? Will they see all the potential that will never be because it HAD to be caged? Imagine if it wasn't. What would happen if it broke through and ran wild through your safe little streets. I promise you, so much chaos lies within me. Does anyone ever stop to think that Jesus crippled me as means of protecting the rest of you? And only time will tell if His plan actually worked.