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Susie says...

Five years ago, at the age of 18, I moved away from home to start my life. It was something I had eagerly been anticipating since the age of thirteen when I realized my family, as much as I loved them, would never understand me. I dreamed of the day when I, a square peg constantly being forced into a round hole, could set out on a glorious adventure to find my own place in the grand scheme of things. Eighteen was a beautiful time, full of so much potential. Anything was possible. I had almost limitless options. The entire world seemed like an open road, inviting and intriguing. I had focus and was so very driven. I was going to make something spectactular out of my life. I stepped onto the open road with a confident stride, a smile on my face, and visions of grandure in my head. It was all happening.

It seemed, however, that after that first step was taken, various road blocks were immediately set up before me, as if that single step had instigated an offensive action to keep me from discovering what lie ahead. I was forced to divert from my glorious road, down a rocky path with much less appealing terrain.

You see, depsite my dreams, some things just had to be done. Responsibilities had to be fufilled, unpredictable events had to be dealt with, and certain people who always and have and always will mean the world to me needed to be taken care of. So as I started down that first unpaved path, I looked back at my road and simply thought my dreams could wait. I knew my handsome road would always be there.

Eventually, the one path forked into two, which divided into three, which led to several more. Before I knew it, I was lost down a maze of backways, so far away from my one true road. One day I looked behind me and could no longer see where I had started. My road was out of sight. And soon, it was out of mind.

Honestly, I had the strength at the time to charge through the road blocks. It would have taken work, but I could have gotten through them. But other things seemed so much more important. And only in hindsight can we really see the truth. I have grown tired of the endlessly winding paths that lead to only more twisted paths, that in the end lead to nothing important. I am officially drawing a line in the dirt. I can't seem to find the finish line, so I am simply going to make my own. From that finish line I intend to build. I refuse to any longer be orchestrated in unwanted directions.

But what did my road look like? Sadly, I just can't remember. What do I want? Strangely, I just don't know.

I am heading into the future blind, but undeterrably resolved. Even if I don't know what kind of road I will build, or where it will lead, I am going to build it regardless. Because I am certain there is somewhere better than here. And I am certain I was meant for something greater than this.