Go Back To Sleep

"Even now I can feel it, buried somewhere deep inside, watching me, waiting..."

Nina says...


I'm fairly certain that my favorite comic is the Hulk. I just feel like I can relate to Bruce Banner sometimes, ya know? Poor, poor Bruce.





Amanda says...


I hate talking about this stuff, but I feel like it's important to start keeping a record of it somewhere.


So last night I got a migraine. First one I have had in a few months, at least. And when I say migraine, it was a doozy.


The pain started around 3 am. I just sat down and noticed that my head sort of hurt. I took some Ibuprofen, smoked a bowl, and decided to go to bed. Around 3:30 am, my head really started to hurt, and I decided to take a muscle relaxer. At 3:45 am I started to vomit and thereby decided it was going to be a long night, since when that happens it is officially a migraine. Once vomitting starts, I can no longer take any more medication, I will only throw it up. So at that point I was in pain, very sick, and kicking myself for not taking my antinausea medication when I had the chance. I stopped vomitting around 4:30 am, and that is when things start to get fuzzy.


So 4:30 am to about 10:00 am this morning, this is what I know. My head was in tremendous amounts of pain. I remember at one point lying in my bed, rubbing my head, and getting some morbid amusement from feeling all the knots in the muscles around my temple. I remember laughing and saying "Well, Francis, it seems you have come to keep me company tonight." Then I remember suddenly being really scared because I was certain that Francis had come to kill me, and I was alone. I was convinced I was dying. I called a friend, who didn't answer because it was five in the goddamn morning. By the time I hung up the phone, I wasn't even sure why I had called him. I was completely confused. I honestly had no idea what was going on, aside from the fact that my head really fucking hurt.


I think I fell asleep around 6:00. I woke up at 10:00, and I was fine. I had a dull headache, but nothing nearly as bad. I was tired, but I was fine.

So then, what have I learned from this whole event? While Francis is no longer showing up on a regular basis, he is certainly showing more gusto then he has in the past. That's okay, I can handle it. Obviously. I'm still here, and I am fine.


The only thing concerning me, though, is this... confusion, dellusion, psychosis?... I can't find the right word here... that I seem to feel when I am in the midst of an ... episode?... is that the right word? I mean, I know very well now that I was not dying, nor am I ever dying when these things happen. I just have a migraine. Problem is, I am so certain that I am dying at the time. And combining fear with pain is not a good thing.


Hmmm... I'm gonna have to think of possible solutions to this problem. I need to find a way to remind myself that I am fine when I am in those states. Maybe I will make some sort of sign for my room. It will have to read something like "Relax, man" or something that will make me laugh. Something ridiculous and comforting.

She Craves Lemon Pie II

Sparky says...



Try to keep up with me here. I'm still reeling.



First of all, I blame this entire MINDFUCK on that stupid movie the Fourth Kind. Why did I go to a movie that I knew was going to scare me? I couldn't go home to an empty apartment after that.





Have you ever had a person you just couldn't get rid of? They stick to you, cling to you like velcro. Attach themselves to you like a permanent pathogen, always sneaking around from cell to cell in your body, ever ellusive and mutating as time goes on. You'll always have them there, like your favorite scar on your body-- it's probably the most grotesque but it has the most epic story! They are the person you would hate if you didn't love them so fucking much.



I have him. And sometimes he has me. I have felt many things for this man. I have liked, loved, and even hated it. But tonight, I just missed him. I missed the good old times, when our conversations were nothing but awesome bullshit. The days when we picked on each other or sat there and bitched. I wanted my boy back. The friend I could count on to cheer me up just because he knew I needed it. The guy who would get hammered with me so we could argue about Greek Mythology or the deep philosophical meaning behind He who is the Dude.



So I went to visit him. And it was awesome. Nothing ever changes between he and I, no matter how much time passes. It's as if every conversation we have goes exactly as it should.



But then something snuck up on both of us. Our inner voices started screaming at each other, "Haha, remember when we use to fuck? Good times!" We both knew what the other thinking, that is the disgusting beauty of he and I. Suddenly my friend was gone and my lover had returned. What was a perfectly appropriate moment now felt like a moment I was stealing, even though nothing at all happened. It was a "now or never" type of moment. One I can imagine I will look back on and constantly wonder if I made the right decision.

I chose never.

It was the right choice, even if I don't want it to be.


Lacey says...

High five!!!

What About What I Need?

Sparky says...



Whoa, whoa, whoa... I wasn't around when everyone got to do their new life affirmations activity. And call me a selfish bitch, but I want to play too.



I need to be seen. I need to pick a fight, even if it's a petty argument. I need to fuck with people. I need to get all fired up! I need to perfect my act. I need to be narccistic. I need to roll into a room and know I own the attention of every person in it. I need to get in shape. I need to remind myself the past is in the past, you can't take it back, but you can most certainly repeat it.



The last one is the toughest I think. In a lot of ways.