Let's Compare Scars

Nina says...

There is this brief and delicate alternate universe wherein which I live happily ever after with my Housecat, this crazy man I happened to stumble upon. It's a strange universe that I really don't understand. But, as always, I will just hum along to the music till the image fades.

Swing Life Away by Rise Against

"Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?

Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?

Are we getting closer, are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long; think that its time to move

The winter's so cold summer's over too soon

so let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know

But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world

We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand, until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

swing life away

swing life away

swing life away

swing life away"

The Child is Gone

The Narrator says...

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. If you keep your mind and body preoccupied with meaningful things, the meaningless tribulations of our lives that we cannot control become just that. And vice versa.

Susie says...

I find myself in the zone lately. I'm on an upswing, and I'm still climbing. I'm focused.

I am good at my job when I want to be. I have phenomenal people skills and a ridiculous abundance of patience. I can be quite impressive, in my own way, when I want to be. It really comes down to doing good work and sucking up to the right people. Both of which come naturally to me when I'm motivated.

I am oh so motivated lately. It's not like I know where I'm going. I only know that anywhere is better than here. That is plenty motivation for me.

I think I could find meaning in my job someday. Perhaps if I became one of the people who overlooked ADA matters for the company. Help the handicapped take vacations and such. I think I would like that. And who is to say it's a far-fetched idea?

By staying busy with my job, I've stayed busy with my other projects as well. The extra room in the apartment is now painted a vibrant green (the color is called "center stage") and I am slowly collecting furniture and such for it. I bought a vintage, decorative end table that is almost exactly the same color of green at a second-hand shop. And to go on top of it... a beautiful, heavy, black typewriter. My prediction is it dates back to the 30's or 40's. I saw it and I knew it was mine.

The kitchen is finally finished too. I didn't think I would like having a tin back splash at first, but I do. It seems to fit.

The next project is the broken mirror.

Persy says...

You are such a slut. Go on... lick every rung of the corporate ladder with lust. Sell that soul of sunshine for sweet, sinful success. See if I sweat it.

We both know you cant board up the bitterness forever. There isn't a hole hollow enough to hide your horrors. They will always haunt you.

I like listening to the tick-tock of your clock anyways. The creep of your count-down comforts me. Soon enough you will be a shit show worth seeing. I promise.

Breakthrough

Running With Scissors | Movie Trailers

Amanda says...

What is it called when you have a question that never ends? A question that loops... What came first the chicken or the egg? That kind of annoying shit that inspired the song that never ends...

(Nina whispers... A conundrum.)

A conundrum! Yes, a conundrum! I fuckin hate those. I hate it even worse when I find ones in my life. Conundrums belong in philosophy books. Not in my life. Not in my head. And vice versa.

I hate myself when I am high these days. I don't hate myself because I'm high, I really don't feel remorse or shame about it. I feel like I hate myself when I'm high.

I'm not sure if it's because I lie to myself when I'm high, or because I tell myself the bitter, honest truth. I seriously don't know.

And here is the kicker of the whole thing, the real joke Jesus is playing on me... while I feel miserable mentally, I feel phenomenal physically. My constant little aches and pains fall silent for an hour or so. The pain hasn't gone away, though. It's morphed. The physical pain becomes mental.

It's as if my pain is separate from myself, so I cannot control or destroy it, but it dwells within me. The pain always exists, in one way or another. Almost as if it must. It's eternal, like a demon.

Maybe that is why the thought of possession scares the hell out of me. Because I really am possessed. Only not by something supernatural. I am possessed by a very worldly pain.

Do you suppose you can exercise something worldly from your body? How do you think one would do that?

Something radical is about to happen in my life! Monumental! I can feel it. Like the Tower card in the Tarot!!! Reward from catastrophe. A baptism by fire. Rebirth.