I have made the recent presumption that I am going to be a spinster for the rest of my life. It is not nearly as sad as everyone believes. Honestly, I am quite comfortable with the idea.
Allow me to tell you why...
My life is full of pain. Physical and emotional. That is not my imagination, nor is it an exaggeration. It is quite simply a fact. How could it not be? I am a physically challenged woman. I am not the norm. My life is not easy compared to most. My future is unpredictable. If I grow old, it will be a painful, debilitating, and most likely deforming process.
I am perfectly fine with this fact, most days. In fact, usually I don't even notice the degree of my hardships. Sometimes I even doubt there is a degree. Most days, my hardships are just life to me.
How have I learned to deal? Humor. I have a wonderful sense of humor about myself. There really is nothing funnier to me than a good, real tragedy. Why not laugh at what you can't change? That is my philosophy, and it has done me well. But I realize it is a philosophy that most don't understand. I know that more often than not, I am laughing alone.
It is hard to ask someone to accept a life of constant "tragedy." And I don't think I have the patience to reassure someone that it is all okay when it isn't. This why I think I will most likely be single forever.
At this point in my life, I am okay with that, because I am not willing to settle for just anything ever again. I deserve the best. Even if the "best" may not be realistic.
I am not going to hold my breath for Mr. Right. I am too picky. And I have grander expectations for my life than just being someone's wife.
...besides, I think it is a good career move. I can't very well write multiple volumes of my sex life if I don't continue to play the field.
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